Away from you
by Fishcakepassion
Summary: You've played games, lies and betrayal, away from you, was the only way to escape- a way of self preservation. The new Isabella Swan who Edward Masen see is a shell of hardness, haunting and breaking away from all corners. However, being apart is not a glorified ending to a love story, it is a sheer move of self ruin.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight and its characters.**

**This is probably the only AN throughout and there may be one at the end but here goes...**

**Away from you is written in drabble. The story is complete and all chapters have been written.**

**Finally, this story will be complete with lag. **

**Expect daily updates.**

**And when I say drabble, I mean very bare minimum. And they are not beta'd. **

**Thank you for the support this story has gained so far. If you have already reviewed, followed or favourited- the rest of the tale is dedicated to you. If you have recently joined th wagon; welcome.**

**Last but not least, thank you Becki.**

* * *

><p>It was supposed to be the best summer.<p>

An unforgettable one.

So full of anticipation and joy for a child to join our family.

I was finally pregnant again with Edward and my child after years of trying.

After several unfortunate miscarriages and traumatic periods of depression.

But on the same day as finding out, I had also finally stumbled across something that I should have confirmed for a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

Edward had not been faithful.

I remember clearly how they'd thrusted against the wall of glass in Edward's office overlooking the forest in back of our house.

For a moment before my heart shattered all over again, I thought they were beautiful.

Perhaps I had a streak of gluttony for punishing myself. With unstable thoughts.

Edward had seen me open his office door, facing me, his eyes remained on me the whole time I witnessed his tryst with his Tanya. Daring me to step up to him and start a fight that I would lose.

It haunted me for a long time and to this very day it still comes to threaten me.

Immediately after witnessing that sickening scene I ran outside into the front yard and drove away.


	3. Chapter 3

By some form of miracle or coincidence, on my flee away from the small town of Forks, Jacob, a good childhood friend saw me and followed.

He came to my aid and calmed me, helped me, supported me and lovedme as a friend.

At first he didn't like the fact that I was pregnant with Edward's child but dealt with it because it was my child too.

Then we found out they were twins.

And there was also a complication. A very big complication.


	4. Chapter 4

There was a tumour in my left ovaries and to keep the twins would be like suicide. Figuratively speaking.

Jacob hated the twins even more for making my body weaker than it already was.

And because they were Edward's children. But they were mine too. My poor babies.

Eventually Jacob caved.

He came to love the Little ones just as I love them.


	5. Chapter 5

Things became more bleak when Jacob went back to the reservation for Harry Clearwater's funeral.

Pains came and gone, came and gone and finally my water broke.

I gave birth to a stillborn son.

Then I gave birth to a daughter that could not be saved.

My babies died and Jacob wasn't there to catch us. I felt betrayed for the second in a short span of time.

I quickly buried the Little ones and moved to Arizona to be with my mom.


	6. Chapter 6

In order to stay afloat and make use of myself in my stay, I got a job.

Working under the Volturi Corporation.

One day I met Caius Volturi.

Caius Volturi was wicked and his brothers knew that, so Caius was removed from their centre before he could do any self damage and then some to the corp.

Eventually he cornered me in the office.

He told me he saw something terrible in me. Which meant it was good for him.


	7. Chapter 7

He invited me to join him in his experiment to get back what was his.

Unconditionally, I agreed in a heart beat.

There was a sudden thrill that I never knew existed from doing something as terrible as he's suggested. I lived for the thrill of it and the feelings it brought into my blood.

Some nights he took control in the boardroom. Of our plans, our resources and then my body, and my mind.

We both got dirty working our way to the top.

People lost jobs, some lost their business, quite a few lost their families. But none of those was I so I didn't care.


	8. Chapter 8

After several years of playing in Caius's games, I finally had enough.

I eventually realised it wasn't who I am. I was no better than what I was doing. I wasn't taking the moral high grounds when I'd quit. What I felt was guilt and helplessness.

Everything was going to get out of control, and I didn't want to be there before everything burns.

So I came to New York.

Riley Biers decided to hire me.


	9. Chapter 9

He'd seen my need for atonement.

He partially knew what happened in Arizona, but, he saw past my pretend arrogance and mistakes and took me in. Allowing me the place, space and time to lick my wounds of several years.

He'd helped me pick out my car and gave me opinions on prospective apartments but I eventually found the one I wanted.

He'd enlightened me with how things were dealt with. The ways of people, how to read certain people and how to deal with these people.

He'd introduced me to the business crocodiles in this new domain. He'd helped and shielded me from their discrimination and age old judging eyes.

I became Isabella Swan of New York.

Riley Bier's left hand woman.


	10. Chapter 10

Flash forward eight years since I've left Edward Masen.

Things had been calmer, better, cleaner.

My world had changed.

It became two which I was able to distinctly manage.

Inside the bachelor pad Bella was cold, distant- isolated.

Outside of the bachelor pad Isabella was reachable, working- functioning.

Everything was working fine on their own axis and I was well on the way to normalcy.


	11. Chapter 11

One night I was connected back to an old link.

Jasper Whitlock.

He co-owned Biers & Whitlock.

A gentle southern man.

He was smitten with a lady, Alice Mary Cullen.

She happened to be Edward Masen's cousin.

I didn't know she was her until it was almost too late at Jasper's party to celebrate her college graduation.

I fled the scene before she could see me.


	12. Chapter 12

When I arrive home, I hit the liquor cupboard. Hard.

It took years to stock up, only seconds to empty.

Then Riley came.

And then a few other people, but by that point I didn't care. I was too drunk.

I allowed them to use my black hole for a place to crash for the night.

The next day I rushed to work. With a raging headache, and it continued for days.

And the alcohol abuse.


	13. Chapter 13

For several weeks I fled the New York scene and took off for my old man.

My old man told me he was going to get remarried. To Sue, Harry's widower.

I met my to-be family.

I realised for the first time, good and real, that I'd hurt my old man.

When I'd ran away, I'd abandoned him. Until a few years ago when I reach for him again.

I tried not to let the guilt take over. But it did.

Then, I told him about the Little Ones.


	14. Chapter 14

Leah was married to Jacob.

She ripped me a new one when my obsession over my Little Ones took possession of my mind.

I hated her and I hated myself.

Things eventually came to an end. I was needed back in New York.

I packed and said goodbye.

But things were good. Charlie said he finally found me again.

We gave each other a awkward hug for a little while.

Then I headed back. To my black hole.


	15. Chapter 15

One day at work, when things were going to get better, back on track, he came.

Followed by his assistant. Tanya.

I fell down from reaching a file.

The corner of my sharp desk hit my old wounds.

I fell out of consciousness.


	16. Chapter 16

In the hospital bed I felt alone.

Fear engulfed me.

What was happening?

Why was he there? Back to haunt me when I'd escaped the small town to avoid him.

And why did he bring her?


	17. Chapter 17

Riley came to the hospital to care for me every day.

He was a man who would be a good husband.

But not for me. I think he knew, but he stayed anyway.

The doctor said the fall had torn up my badly healed womb. He ordered for me to stay in the hospital for a fortnight. Not wanting possible infections.

I was told for certain that I can not have kids ever again.

Edward Masen ruined me yet again.


	18. Chapter 18

The hospital sent me home a fortnight later.

My cats; Billy and Lady were taken to the pet hotel straight after my accident. Thanks to Angela.

I went to pick up my felines before I headed home.

Billy, he'd lost a bit of weight. Lady seemed aloof as always.

Before I was discharged, further instructions to take a week off work was given.

For another week I stayed off work, I wallowed again. My black hole fully accommodating me.

The black hole ran out of food on the fifth day. Good job some dry food was in stored in the cupboards, for the cats.

I wasn't leaving the hole until the seventh day.


	19. Chapter 19

Back to work, I prepared for the Volturi project.

A ghost of the past, I knew how they worked, what results they wanted, their demands.

Faults in the past didn't distort my vision. Everything was up to scratch, tailored to what they believed in. Everything was the best of what I could offer.

Angela started training the temp who will stand in for her, whilst she will be on maternity. The girl seemed young, inexperienced.

Even so, I smiled and offered free coffee on me. I shook her hand and assured her of my confidence in her future work.

I worked several late nights, checking for spelling mistakes and figure miscalculations, from the files the girl submitted.

Angela started working less hours, handing the reigns to the young temp.

I was losing my right hand.


	20. Chapter 20

The morning of the Volturi presentation, the young temp and I arrived early- to prepare for the pitching.

Everything had to be polished and prepared before presentation. No mistakes can be allowed. That was Isabella Swan's method, like many other's method. But I had to be extra prepared. Nothing can penetrate a project from the sides or behind- everything must be under control.

A few minutes before the Volturis appeared, Edward Masen and his blonde assistant arrived.

He gave me a swift nod of acknowledgement. I tried not to react. I pretended to stay calm. I bit my tongue and nodded back at him. Staring intensely at his blonde assistant.

Tanya stayed in excellent shape all of these years.

She still moved with grace and elegance.

She was not as needy as all of those years ago. It wasn't necessarily for her to initiate body contact, she won the war.

They prepared for their presentation.


	21. Chapter 21

Turns out we both had two other opponents to take down.

He came to my office those weeks ago, seeking if we could form an alliance- to make something big out of the project.

Off course, it didn't matter that I was his ex-wife when it came to business. When business came into concern, he wanted the best.

And how naive of me, I thought he would never hear of me ever again, and I would never hear of him again. But who was I to kid, we're both in the business world.

He knew I existed in this side of the game years ago, but I was a subject of no interest, he didn't need to approach me.

Our pitch were both tempting to the Volturi.

They told us to incorporate our plans together, create the ultimate plan for them.

Strange, it was like he knew that we would end up working together in the end, he sought me out before in attempt to stay steps ahead of the future. My fall sabotaged his master plans.


	22. Chapter 22

Every time he'd visited my office to puzzle our plans together I saw the broken bonds to our dead children.

I mourned for them through my silence and through his intense stares.

Thank god, he kept Tanya in the waiting room awaiting his beck and call.

If I had to face them together, I was going to scream.

Several times after he came and went I got onto the rooftop of the building. I ranted to myself until Riley eventually found me.

Finally I spilt the secret of the twins to another human being.

Riley held me and understood me, as much as he can with the limited information I gave out of my body.

And he said he finally know why I was me.


	23. Chapter 23

The same night, Edward came to visit me in my black hole.

He heard what I said on the rooftop. He was upset that I gave birth to 'someone else's bastard child'.

That I was being 'pathetic for pretending' something that I was not.

He told me, 'Tanya meant nothing'.

Billy and Lady screeched and scratched behind the office door, where I locked them in. Where I always -sometimes- did.

That night he positioned himself behind me and took me again.

I moaned and groaned at the contact.

Edward Masen had captured me. Again.


	24. Chapter 24

The next morning, like waking up to a bad hang over, I hated myself.

I felt disgust and ill from over-consumption from the night before.

Edward was beside me and stayed the night.

I felt what we did the night before, smelt it in the air and taste it on my lips.

Quickly, I showered and gave myself a new set of clothes.

I wanted to bleach the house and Edward.

Then may be he would be new and clean, ready for me again.

No, that was not going to happen.


	25. Chapter 25

Once I fed him coffee I kicked him out of the hole.

He told me that he was living two floors up.

He was going to invade my space again, playing the lead in the game.

That was the harsh reality.

I released Billy and Lady from their confinement.

Billy escaped straight into the hall way into my bedroom. Lady stayed in the office.

I crashed my bed and smelt the leftover lust from last night. Billy hissed at his usual spot, smell dominated by Edward's natural scent.

The rest of the day I stared at my silly cat. Lady eventually joined us around dinner time.


	26. AN

Hi, sorry about the intermediate AN.

1- The rest of the story will be uploaded today (scrapping the daily update plan)

2-It's going be a roller coaster ride from here on. Things will get 'crazy and insane'. You will probably think I have mental issues for writing what I have.

3- Please don't read if you have problems with the above point.

3- It feels that I have ruined a story, spoiling it- guilty feelings follow. Most of you will agree with me the more you read, some of you already do. But I just wanted it finished so badly. There will perhaps be one day that this story will be given justice, just not today or tomorrow.

4- If you are disappointed or think the joke of me- your choice but thank you for reading so far.


	27. Chapter 26

It was my birthday, Riley organised a venue to celebrate.

I had to go.

Outside the venue in the back of the chauffeured company car, I said goodbye to Angela for her final day at work.

I promised her the agreed terms and she assured me of her friendship.

We shared a hug and parted for a year, and more for her maternity leave.

I lost my right hand.

She played along with my façade.

She suspected but never asked.

She sort-of understood.

She didn't question and she didn't doubt.

She only followed and executed.


	28. Chapter 27

Several weeks before my birthday, I received the greatest of gifts.

One of my twins, my little girl- one part of my little ones didn't die.

She survive out of the protection of my womb.

They were ordered to keep her away. From me.

Now years from that tragic day, I had my angel back. One of them.


	29. Chapter 28

They, the doctor and the nurse took her away and raised her as their own.

They didn't have children and saw the opportunity.

Instead of feeling guilty for my sorrow, they consumed their greed and took my girl.

Now years later, they were spent and had no means of support for my daughter, they came to find me.

My baby needed operation.

Her heart was not right.

My poor baby was once again in danger.


	30. Chapter 29

My poor baby stayed with me, in my black hole.

The doctor and the nurse went their way to get her help. With my cheque.

They loved her. That's why they came to find me. They knew I'll be able to help.

Her health and well-being was important to them too.

But they knew they weren't going to get away with keeping me away from my surviving child.

So she was with me. Aunt Bella to her.


	31. Chapter 30

She said my black hole was too dark.

Not enough lights that worked.

Not enough pictures.

Too shiny and smells too clean. Like an alternate hospital smell. Something strong and sterilised- but like a home version.

She hated the hospitals. Every time she went in, her mom and dad looked sad.

She knew they were trying to fool her. Every time they promised her something new or something she wanted. She knew. Something was wrong and she was left out of the game.

She liked Billy. But said Lady looked too sad.

She liked to cuddle.

Sometimes I got frightened, waking up with a little lump next to my side on the bed.

She was not mine to hold.


	32. Chapter 31

I was not going to be a good mom.

Before my black hole could swallow her whole, I sent her back.

There were tears in their eyes when I led her back to them in the hotel. When her little hand left mine and held onto them.

I was going to get visitation rights. They were going to let me know whenever something happened to my little girl. I was going to know her. As Aunt Bella. The best Aunty she will ever know.

My baby was not mine once again.

It was for the best. My baby was going to have a mom and a dad. And me.

Where ever she will be.


	33. Chapter 32

Inside, it was like an aquatic wonderland, my birthday celebration.

She, Tanya, was dressed in silver, in the corner.

I glimpsed and walked ahead.

Drinks were flowing, music dancing and people talking.

I walked to the ladies bathroom, in there, he appeared behind me and ravished me.

Long moments later returned me back to the celebration, next to Riley and we toasted to my thirty eighth.

He stood next to Tanya with his champagne flute, drowning me with his eyes and a devil's glint. A crooked smile added into the kill.


	34. Chapter 33

Our times together continued on and off.

Every time he and Tanya appeared together things quickly got bitter.

He always found a way to make himself back inside of me. Most of the time visiting my black hole and we savaged our way through our bleak universe.

We seemed to belong together when things got darker.

There was a silent, unspoken treaty between us.


	35. Chapter 34

How dare he? How dare...she.

My sanity tilted its axis once again.

She was fucking pregnant.

It was their first child. Why then? Why?

When he just seemed to have came back. To me.


	36. Chapter 35

That night I went up, to him.

With the filthy mag flinging in my hand I slapped the thing into his chest.

I asked why did he have to humiliate me.

Why was he so heartless.

How could he have risked that with me?

He was fucking her whilst he was with me.

He smirked and said he controls the game.

I cried .

'Away from you was what saved my sanity'.

Over and over again.

But I was never going get away from him.

I was tied to him. A fucking piece of paper called marriage.

He flung a flimsy piece of paper in front of my face.

Divorce papers not signed by him.

He was never going to let me go. He told me.


	37. Chapter 36

For weeks I wished for Angela to be back.

She wouldn't have judged me. I knew it.

The new temp always gave me the eyes. Every phone call about my so-damned personal life was taken by her.

Every attempt at trying to get me to interview was wired to her work desk.

People knew it, Isabella Swan was screwing her yet-to-be divorced husband whilst his assistant was pregnant was his seed.


	38. Chapter 37

Riley tucked my hair back and kissed my forehead.

He took my hand in his and led me into the lobby. Keeping me shielded from unforgiving eyes. Eyes which were always accusing since the damn news got out.

His other arm carried a bouquet of flowers he gave m.

When we got to my black hole, he switched on all of the lights that worked.

Billy and Lady came out to see what was the fuss.

Riley held me and asked me to take his hand. We were getting married.


	39. Chapter 38

Things didn't get easy when the news died down.

It got even worse when Riley gave out our engagement.

They thought I was getting wicked, greedy.

That one man wasn't enough for me. That I thirsted for every male that came close enough.

That was far from the truth.

Only at home, Billy didn't judge me whilst I drowned.

Lady turned her back and stayed in the office.


	40. Chapter 39

On our way to the registry, I got a phone call, from the hospital.

My baby got into a car crash.

I panicked and let go of Riley's hand. I forced my way to the hospital and cursed the day I allowed her to follow them.

My baby got hurt and it was their fault! They didn't look after her. They couldn't protect her.

My baby was hurt.

My baby.

My baby.

She was so precious.


	41. Chapter 40

When I got there, to the hospital, she was crying.

Thank lord.

She was not hurt. I checked for injuries.

She was crying. Now that I was there, she'd got a shoulder to cry on. She wasn't alone.

They were vacationing in New York, ready for my baby's quarterly visits to me and got in a car accident. Only they have gotten the rough end of it. My baby was unharmed.

They were okay though, I was assured.

Whilst they were recovering on hospital beds I looked after my baby.


	42. Chapter 41

She was sad.

But she knew her mom and dad was going to be okay. And she was going to be good for Aunt Bella.

Eventually she had to go back to school, vacation was nearly over. And she needed to be back to her home for this.

They would want that for her too.

But she wouldn't have it. She didn't want to go home, not whilst her mom and dad was here in New York.

After her teacher's courtesy, I got the material to homeschool her, whilst her mom and dad was healing in the hospital.

One day I took her to the park. And there she made friend with him.


	43. Chapter 42

He had disappeared from New York since our last crossfire.

When did he get back?

Avoiding him, I waited until she came back over to me.

We swiftly made our way out of the park and back to my black hole. Not such a black hole now that some of her drawings and our pictures laid here and there.

Billy quite liked the new change. Lady seemed indifferent, preferring to stay in the office than to come out and play with Billy and my baby.

Later on, when I tucked my Little One into bed the doorbell rung.

She was sleeping soundly so I closed my bedroom door and went out to see who it was.

Edward.


	44. Chapter 43

He wanted to have dinner on Wednesday.

I told him no and shut the door.

Switching off all of the lights and I headed back to my bedroom.

I held onto her whilst waiting for sleep.

They were recovering well and were ready to take her home next week.

Only a few days I could spend with her, before she went back to her life.


	45. Chapter 44

Billy and Lady sat next to me, comforting me, as I listened through the phone about how excited she was to be back home. With her friends, to see her teachers, to play with her own toys and to be back with her mom and dad.

I felt happy for her as I listened and drained the bottle of wine in front of me.

Before I made it in bed, I carefully gathered all of my Little One's pictures, toys, drawings, the odd article of clothing. And put them into a box, into a hidden corner out of view's way.

There wasn't a lump of warmth beside me that night. But it was okay, I never had it for a long time.

Just like last time, I'll be absorbed into my black hole soon enough.


	46. Chapter 45

First time I heard my baby's heart was to be operated, my heart was broken for her.

From what I heard from them, she had not always been the healthiest of young children. She was often ill. Poor baby.

Soon I persuaded myself to take another break from work. I had to be there for her.

My temp eyes bugged out when she found out I was to take more time off work. How much I'd wished that it was Angela stationed on that desk than her.

But Angela was enjoying postnatal bliss.

Angela's baby was six months old the other week. She had a healthy baby girl, her third child. I felt jealous the day we met up.

I wanted to see my own baby healthy.


	47. Chapter 46

I was packed and ready to set off the night before my flight was due.

Billy and Lady were taken to their usual hotel whenever I was out of town.

All perishable food were thrown out. Bills were all paid for. The apartment was clean for when I came back.

I was enjoying a glass of wine before bed, just a little something to help get me to sleep.

But the door bell rang and he was at my door.


	48. Chapter 47

With little, but enough alcohol in my system, I allowed myself to confront him.

He told me, the baby was part of his plan. Not to hurt me.

He was going to give me a baby.

He was going to give me his and her baby to raise together.

He was going get all of the rights from Tanya.

Then the child will be ours. We were going to be a family.


	49. Chapter 48

He was crazy.

Edward Masen got someone pregnant for me. He wanted to play mommy and daddy with me.

He wanted to compensate to me, all those years ago. Unable to give me a child.

He was surrounded by a sea of sorrow. He said, he loves me forever.


	50. Chapter 49

Approximately ten years and some more ago, when we just started college, Edward met a girl- Tanya.

Tanya was attracted to Edward. But he was already mine.

Her sexual advances failed in many forms.

Instead, Tanya introduced him to a world of party, alcohol, drugs and street races.

I remembered about the late nights, our arguments, the times he seemed to be out of mind. Sometimes, when we were intimate, he was easily hyped with influence of the worst kind.

But he never allowed me to see the true side of what was happening behind his glassed eyes.

Things turned for the better, eventually. When I miscarried our first child.

He told he was drugged up at her house whilst I was in the hospital. Laying there, struggling to hold on to my miscarried child on the hospital bed. With no one there.


	51. Chapter 50

That was the wake up call.

He hadn't return to the scene ever since. He concentrated on school work and we graduated.

We worked hard in our marriage. Miscarrying several more times.

But we stuck together.

Some years later Tanya applied to be his assistant.

He took her under his wing.


	52. Chapter 51

Edward dealt with illegal affairs in his business.

He was mad at himself.

She tried to take advantages several times.

He tried to stay away from her, threatening to fire her.

But she knew too much. They were both in it together. She had gain leverage.


	53. Chapter 52

Finally one night, after she'd supplied him influence of the bad kind, he gave up.

He took her.

Whilst I was home. Waiting for him to come back after his business trip.

He came home several days later. Like nothing was wrong. That he was guilty.

We lived under the same roof. I was oblivious to his wrongs.

I lived as Edward Masen's wife.


	54. Chapter 53

But, he eventual caved, he couldn't do it anymore.

He drove me away by taking her again. In our home.

Having no idea that I was carrying his son and daughter.

He was disgusted with himself. But succeeded.


	55. Chapter 54

Hearing the truth, all these years later, was torture on a whole new level.

Did he speak the truth?

Why did he only come now? Years later?

Refusing to be rational, I tackled him.

We fell onto the floor.

My palm swiped across his face and the sound of a slap resonated the black hole.


	56. Chapter 55

My fingers held onto his hair and forced our eyes on each other.

His green pools of liquid lacked soul. Inhabitable.

The crisp green which our daughter had inherited from his genes.

Did he know how it killed me that day? When his eyes stared ahead to dare me.

If only he came to me, and confessed. Everything would have been okay.

I would have forgiven him.


	57. Chapter 56

Unable to cope, I tucked my head into the crook of his neck and cried.

I cried and cursed. I cursed and bitten.

I suck on his skin until it surely stung.

He needed to feel my pain.

If only I could reach into his heart and squeeze his beating pulp.


	58. Chapter 57

Three AM in the morning I pulled him to the door and shut it in his face.

He didn't try to again. To get me, to let him in.

Never again.

Loving Edward Masen was a heartache I was never able to try again.

Save for another day, I'll be able to let it go and forgive him.


	59. End

To: Edward Masen  
>From: Isabella Swan<br>Subject: Away from you

Hi,

It's been a while, but I think I'm ready to talk to you.

Being away has brought me to the brink of insanity, even though so, it's time to be forgiven.

Yours,  
>Bella.<p> 


	60. Another AN

This is the ending to the 'drabble'.

I have tried to work a cruel ending for Edward and Tanya, so the promise has not been quite delivered. Mainly because I can't think of anything at this time on how to achieve the result that I feel is right.

But Tanya is pregnant with a man's baby, said man wants to steal her baby away as soon as it is born. I think of it as a form of punishment for her.

Edward has been more of a tricky case, and it's hard to think of something fitting for his twisted ways, not even STDs will do the job. So whilst this drabble was coming to an end I've decided to leave it hanging, for you to decide.

This started off as a sad story from concept, so I'm somewhat satisfied that it has kept to its origin. Although you might disagree and say that I've done a nuts job of reaching the ending (especially with the Bella having sex with Edward, Bella being so lenient with her daughter's kidnappers)- however I argue that this is fiction and it's a different brand of angst without a HEA.

I hope for a chance in the future to make a honest story out of this drabble-giving it more substance as some of you say. It has been a messy affair and unbeknownst to me, trying to tell this tale has been draining throughout the many attempts. If only I'm not a amateur writer and have more time on my hands.

If you didn't like the 'writing style' of this, I'm sorry for you, but dude, I'd already gave you fair warning right at the beginning in the very first ever chapter. If you didn't like the crazy twists I've inserted, please read chapter 26 (an AN) and understand the message I'd left for you. This is definitely not a good quality fiction, both writing and what is inside, but fair warning has been given. It makes one wonder why people will keep on reading and complain when I've tarnished the reputation in preceding ANs by stating the drabble is in bare minimum and things will be getting crazy and insane- even the summary have not been promising a fluffy story. I've been bad promoting this all along, not giving the falsehood of a good story in the making.

And contradictingly thank you for all of the comments, good and bad. Although some of them gives the cringe factor, but honest opinion is fair game I suppose.

Now that I'm down to the final words, I realize this is a far too long AN for such a short drabble, anyways.

To the readers who've been with my story from the beginning, apologies for the decline of quality in this story. It has dragged me out too much and it felt so much more manageable writing in such short chunks that are more to the point than to tell a story in long sentences and chapters.

If you would like to know the other reasons as to why the story is in this format and other relatable info, another AN will be posted in the next chapter. Please don't read if it is going to annoy you.

Best wishes,

Michelle.


	61. Bella's POV

Warning: Extremely long-ass essay as to why the drabble has come to be. If you think it is ridiculous that this short drabble with hardly any substance is getting such a long end note, skip and move on please! Merci Beaucoup!

Some unanswered questions you may or may not have asked... or I think needs more clarification. Contains Major spoilers.

First and foremost, I have done a bad job at expressing Bella's story but here goes:

-There's hardly any depth in Bella's POV (or this drabble) is mainly because I find it hard to understand her character, even though I have given her this role. Some readers have told me (when the fully written first few chapters were still up) that despite skipping a lot they don't feel like they have missed a lot of details. That is true. The Bella in this story, in this part of her story, feels very empty. She feels that she is alive but is only existing, in her little bubble if you like.

Have you ever experienced the low so bad that you can't bring yourself to pay attention anymore? And because her past has been so traumatic for her, she doesn't want to go back to those memories, therefore burying them and won't divulge into them until the people of the past comes back into her life again, where she has to face her past.

She is at such a phase, that she can not register more than a few things. She only pay attention to the things which stand out and mattered.

-Some of you wondered why would Bella allow her baby to go back to the unethical pair.

Although not explicitly explored, Bella feels disgusted and guilty by her past. She feels that she has failed in so many aspect of her life that she can not cope with living with herself, never mind living with her innocent daughter.

First of many reasons- B and E's failed relationship. E was B's first and 'only' relationship. Us twilighters know that they share a special bond that is unique. E and B's time in college was hard on them, puting strain on their time together. Times can be considered dark as soon as they have entered into their college days, and haven't really gotten better ever since. And then there's Bella unable to give birth to Edward's children (she has miscarried many times, adding stress to her marriage), she believes that she was failing her husband and a failure as a mother to the unborn/stillborn kids. We normal people understand that it's not her fault, but when it happened so many times it causes her to believe that she was the problem. A lot more factors surrounding B and E's relationship comes into play, but let's move on.

On top of that, there's competition with Tanya. Although not quite explored in the drabble, Bella used to feel inferior to Tanya before she had fled Forks, therefore taking away more of her confidence.

The two points from above plus living in a 'narrow' small town, imaginated pressure from those around her, tense atmosphere and blah blah blah thrown into the mix will concoct one stressful situation.

Then afterwards, Bella has had a rough patch being with Caius in Arizona, she had witnessed some bad stuff. And then there's manipulation, toying and emotional blackmailing from Caius. She felt as though life was outside of her control whilst she thought she had some control and feels pretty much like a puppet after coming out of her relationship with Edward (pretty much a twisted situation).

This may seem minor, but remember Jacob not being there whilst she gave birth to her still born son and supposedly equally as dead daughter? She was obsessed with that incident for a little while, she felt that something was against her, perhaps Jacob or perhaps unknown forces out there. She felt very suffocated and can not believe there could be anything good going on for her. (remember at this point of the story she didn't know that her daughter was not dead, she had just ran from a relationship she had fell hard for, Jacob was supposed to be there and support her like a life line for her to cling onto, also at this moment in time Charlie and Renee was not in the picture for parental support, well Renee being Renee...) She feels closed off from the world and is reluctant to come out of the shell from hiding. She feels vulnerable and raw and doesn't want to get hurt anymore.

After the her sinning time in Arizona, she has acquired her black hole where she was living in her own version of purgatory. She became lonely and isolated, unwilling to be anymore than she is now. She has given up. Essentially, she is utterly broken and torn.

All-in-all she feels unworthy for her daughter, and after becoming more lonely in her own black hole, she feels that she has nothing to offer her daughter, whom she wants so much for. Adding on top of the fact that although her daughter is her own daughter, B had never been in her life. Faced with a new mother situation where her daughter is not a baby but a little girl, beginning to comprehend the world around her. So she decided that she was going to be self less and let go. B didn't want to overwhelm her baby and make her see how selfish and bad her supposed parents are. It was an act of protection for her baby to keep her sheltered and feeling safe and secure. She would always be there and be aunt Bella for her little girl, being there for her baby in a different way despite not being able to be the one whom her baby calls mother. Also, B doesn't want to take parental love away from her little girl- considering there is no suitable fatherly figure readily available at that moment and B herself is not sure if she is able to give out the love for her daughte more than small bursts.

Okay... that was a bit repetitive and long-assed.

...moving on...

-How can Bella let Edward touch her again!?

I won't say it's out of love. Because in this moment, I don't think there is any ounce of love Bella has available for anyone (even for her daughter, if I dare say).

I would say that it may be to compensate? Remember, she has lost her way, and now that Edward is back and wants her, she feels as though it is some form of achievement- I think. (at least in the pit of passion she is clouded by such thought- yes that's my excuse as the author of this twisted situation) She feels more cofident and accomplished, like she is back in the game and have control over her situation with this man she loved. Like a game of her own.

And she sees something in Edward that has always attracted her. Like a bad habit that never dies.

-How could Edward make a baby with Tanya!?

Even though we don't like it, Tanya has been by Edward's side through many years and through many *ahem* hardships. So even though we don't like it, she's a bit like a rock for Edward, so it's a little bit of natural that he'll view her as a bit of a solution to his dilemma. As you can see, it's not only Bella that is a bit off track, our Edward is suffering at a bit of loss here too.

-Why does everyone seem to be a psychopath or a sociopath in this story?

I can not completely disagree, however, I think it to be a bit harsh to brand everyone as one of the two. I would say that it is mainly B, E and T. Therefore we could maybe label it as 'love-triangle' misfortune? B and E's sanity are tightly knitted together, they echo each other if you like, despite being apart for so long. However, when T started to want a piece of E, we have a different kind of psycho lurking in the story.

-Edward can not be forgiven!

I agree, he can not.

Even though in the email B has mentioned about forgiveness and before that, saying that if he had confessed about cheating she would have forgiven him- but that doesn't mean we have to forgive him.

Thinking more inside B's head, she had held her hate toward him for nearly a decade now, even longer in the email. It must be tiring, so it's more to relief her more than to relief E. It's like she has finally given herself a chance to be happy again, whether that be to redeem her self-respect through forgiving E or just being nice to someone who has damaged her deeply.

Just because B forgives E doesn't mean we side observers have to. Just because it is written doesn't mean you have to feel the same, this is merely a story about two characters who is lost in their own story and some of the outcomes. May be we'll feel gutted that she would do such a thing, but from where I stood when I wrote it, it was a release for B who has been so obsessed over E's betrayal for such a long time.

The end. Sort of. I'm still very interested in writing this story in its full form. As you can tell from all of the information up there that there are so much more I could add to the story. I just didn't realise at the beginning when I have first published the story, the amount of energy and dedication needed into telling the story. I lost my 'mojo' and became very fed up when my chapters weren't what I hoped they could be.

If you are still reading this and is about to give me crap- thanks but no thanks. Your opinions are good, at least I know where I'm going wrong and what needs to be clarified, but may be a little less fierce? The pathetic, illogical and irrespectable plotline is merely entertainment for the mind, it's not like I am cursing someone to be living in this twisted alternate universe I have described here.

To those of you sweethearts who've told me that you understand what I've been going on about, and gave me positivity despite the story's many flaws- thank you so much!


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